We have been trying for Baby #2 for some time now and we're stilling waiting for this gift to arrive. Dec/Jan was a "no" for us and with the travels, Jan/Feb is also an out.
Needless to say, its been a roller coaster ride so far for us. It has been an especially hard mountain for me to climb and is becoming a huge reminder in my need to call upon the Lord and rest upon His promises.
The emotional toll is easier on some days, harder on others. Take today for example, a staff of mine has just given birth to the prettiest, cutest little girl. I'm so happy for her, yet am reminded of our own desire for more children.
Its uncanny how suddenly every facet of my life can be overtaken by this one desire that I have. A simple comment, a stray thought, even the title of a book has the ability to create an incision in my heart and hurt deeply.
Take today as an example, I browse with R in a children's clothing shop and the shopkeeper engages in a conversation with R, asking her how old she is. On hearing that she's 3, tells her to "tell your mother to have another playmate for you". Then turns to me and tells me its best to have another sooner, so that the age gap is not too wide, unlike her who had 10 years between her 2 kids.
I feel like telling her that we've been trying. Its just not happening yet. Yet, common manners dictate that I should only smile and nod. The smile gets harder to hold with each month that passes by.
Its funny how everyone directs comments to me - mrs wife, even though my husband may be next to me, they'll inadvertantly turn to me and advice/conjole/encourage me to have more children. Little do they know that inside me, I'm tearing, crying and wanting them now.
My GP asked me just yesterday how many children did I want to have. "The more the merrier" was my simple reply. He was shocked and asked if I am sure. Of course I am. I used to want 6 children, that was in Secondary 3 when I was a mere 15 years old. My best mates still remember that lesson when I stood up in front of the entire class and announced my intentions to have half a dozen little ones. It was Ms. Ratnam's English class and I still recall the look on my teacher's face. She must have been thinking that I was out of my mind.
Some well-meaning friends tell us that "at least we have 1". Yes, but when the one you are blessed with is so good, you want more! *giggles* I continue to pray that the Lord will bless Himself and I with a brood of our own in His time and provide us with the financial means and wisdom to the doctors to help us in getting there.
In the meantime, I'm resting in Him, claiming his promises for us to "go forth and multiply" and waiting to be restored so that we may try again.
Needless to say, its been a roller coaster ride so far for us. It has been an especially hard mountain for me to climb and is becoming a huge reminder in my need to call upon the Lord and rest upon His promises.
The emotional toll is easier on some days, harder on others. Take today for example, a staff of mine has just given birth to the prettiest, cutest little girl. I'm so happy for her, yet am reminded of our own desire for more children.
Its uncanny how suddenly every facet of my life can be overtaken by this one desire that I have. A simple comment, a stray thought, even the title of a book has the ability to create an incision in my heart and hurt deeply.
Take today as an example, I browse with R in a children's clothing shop and the shopkeeper engages in a conversation with R, asking her how old she is. On hearing that she's 3, tells her to "tell your mother to have another playmate for you". Then turns to me and tells me its best to have another sooner, so that the age gap is not too wide, unlike her who had 10 years between her 2 kids.
I feel like telling her that we've been trying. Its just not happening yet. Yet, common manners dictate that I should only smile and nod. The smile gets harder to hold with each month that passes by.
Its funny how everyone directs comments to me - mrs wife, even though my husband may be next to me, they'll inadvertantly turn to me and advice/conjole/encourage me to have more children. Little do they know that inside me, I'm tearing, crying and wanting them now.
My GP asked me just yesterday how many children did I want to have. "The more the merrier" was my simple reply. He was shocked and asked if I am sure. Of course I am. I used to want 6 children, that was in Secondary 3 when I was a mere 15 years old. My best mates still remember that lesson when I stood up in front of the entire class and announced my intentions to have half a dozen little ones. It was Ms. Ratnam's English class and I still recall the look on my teacher's face. She must have been thinking that I was out of my mind.
Some well-meaning friends tell us that "at least we have 1". Yes, but when the one you are blessed with is so good, you want more! *giggles* I continue to pray that the Lord will bless Himself and I with a brood of our own in His time and provide us with the financial means and wisdom to the doctors to help us in getting there.
In the meantime, I'm resting in Him, claiming his promises for us to "go forth and multiply" and waiting to be restored so that we may try again.
1 comment:
Jiayou. I know how u feel hehh....
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