So far, as of Term 3, we have had an incident of scratching, one of biting and yesterday was our third incident when she bit another boy. As her parent, I have reprimanded her, we have talked about it and we have prayed over it. She knows that she is being disciplined and I know that she understands that physical action is not tolerated and she needs to seek an adult's help to mediate when she can't handle certain situations.
As a parent who was not present when this happened, I naturally look to clues to understand how things escalated to this situation. Why did R resort to physical means to resolve a situation when she has been taught/is able to vocalise and has been vocalising her needs? We had gotten this well under control last school year, did she regress now or was she not able to get an adult's attention when she needed to? I had to get to the bottom of this.
I managed to get two versions of the story:
Version 1: Playing at the house with friend, boy builds a gun, comes over and shoots at the girls. Girls ask boy to stop, boy angry, hits one of the girl (naturally mine), girl angry and bites boy's hand
version 2: Aware that the girls are playing in a corner, aware that the boys are playing in another corner. Only see it happening from when the girl was screaming and the boy was repeatingly hitting the girl
Imagine my reaction when I hear the latter version coming from someone who is in the same room as the kids and the first from a 3 year old who's story jived with the other kid involved. My concern deepened when I was told that half of the class (6 children) were having a small group lesson with one teacher and the other half of the class free play. And each time she gets in trouble, I get a "we think this happened" story.
Some thoughts quickly pop to mind:
- How can half the class be playing when the other half is having a lesson? Would not the kids having free play disturb the ones trying to learn? Even if play was quiet, it will still be a distraction, wouldn't it? Could they not have been engaged in another learning activity while the other half was learning? As an adult I can't even concentrate on my work if I know that the guy next to me is on a conference call, let alone be expected to absorb knowledge.
- How can 1 teacher, 1 asssistant, excluding the teacher that was teaching, not be able to sense the change in energy of the classroom? Situations like that builds and escalates to a bang - I'm a mom, I know how kids are. Why did no one catch this when the kids got to the "agitate each other" stage?
- And "we think this happened" again? All 3 times? What if my kid was trying to jump down the second floor and did and I get a "we think this happened"?
- Pretend play guns in class? Again?
I've spoken to the teacher in charge of her class but feel that many of the responses given are not really acceptable. To make matters worse, the teacher actually asked R if she was sad when she arrived at school today. In front of her. And me. It ticked me off and I asked why he thought so, to which he replied cos she looked it and she didn't say hi to him. I would expect a professional educator to know not to pass remarks like that to a child - since there are negative vibes that could affect a child's mood!
I'm contemplating raising this to another person at school but am aware that I seem to be the one parent who is constantly questioning things and giving feedback. It may be because many in the class would not even have been put in school if they were in their home country, or maybe it is because their education are corporately sponsored, so parents can't care less and I am just more "sensitive" since we pay for every cent out of the pocket. Whatever it is, I hate feeling like I am THE over-anxious mother who is being way too clucky over her sole chick.
Don't get me wrong, I do love my child's school to bits, their philosophy and the environment they provide and in no way blame them for what's happen. I accept that this is part and parcel of a child growing up. My wish is that Rebecca will get to experience what it is like to learn from teachers who really teach because they have a sincere desire to grow and develop and care for children and not because its a job. I was blessed enough to have come across a few during my time and the impact they have had on me is really great.
So, I have dutifully apologised to the other mom, made R apologise, met out the punishment and made peace in the camp. Now to just make peace with my inner self.
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