One thing that I am grateful of in Shanghai is the abundance and relative ease of access of household help. Typically known as Ayi (阿姨), these home helpers can be that much needed extra hand or ticket to sanity when things get tough. It leaves family members time to focus their limited time on other things that may matter to them more. At the very least, it provides families with the option to seek help from a third party if they want to.Sharing an intimate part of one's family can be rather daunting. Intrusive will be another word for this. After all, having someone in a person's home over an extended period of time does open access to familiarity, or worse, intimacy. I don't think there is another word to describe this relationship since most helpers have access to our underwear and the drawers they are kept in, not to mention become privy to possibly uncover the "secret hiding places" where we squirrel away the most deepest, darkest secrets from the public eye, not that I have any.
I have always had household help for a large portion of my life and my parents were always very careful to teach my brother and I the need for us to treat helpers with respect and yet maintain a certain level of formality with them. In short, helpers should never enter the "intimate family circle" that we are privileged to be a part of.
In practical terms, this meant that we would be polite and respectful when we ask for help from them and address them with appropriate tone of voice and choice of words. It also means that we accord them their monthly wages as promised, not more, not less. We made it clear that we will not advance any money to them and they should not even think of asking. We also make clear that they will need to be mindful of their responsibilities and do their part in protecting the household.
Proper meals, medical care and clean and decent rest areas were always part of their privilege. We rejoiced with them when their children did well in school, gushed over pictures they received from home and prayed for them when their family at home fell sick. Over the years, we've had our share of good and not-so-suitable helpers and with each one, we learnt how to refine our employment styles and people management skills.
However, my nearly five year stint in Shanghai has taught me many new helper employment skills for the Chinese helper can generally exude different behaviours that even I, as exposed as I am to household helpers, could not anticipate. I've found that household helpers here are very sensitive to money, and its not like they are paid very much lesser than the previous helpers that we've employed in Singapore. In fact, given that so many of them work on an hourly basis, they earn a whole lot more than a vast proportion of helpers who work in Singapore, dollar for dollar. So its really wierd when ayis start telling me that they know of so and so who's being paid more or when I hear stories of friends who pay a whole lot more for their help. As we Singaporeans may say: spoil market.
In practical terms, this meant that we would be polite and respectful when we ask for help from them and address them with appropriate tone of voice and choice of words. It also means that we accord them their monthly wages as promised, not more, not less. We made it clear that we will not advance any money to them and they should not even think of asking. We also make clear that they will need to be mindful of their responsibilities and do their part in protecting the household.
Proper meals, medical care and clean and decent rest areas were always part of their privilege. We rejoiced with them when their children did well in school, gushed over pictures they received from home and prayed for them when their family at home fell sick. Over the years, we've had our share of good and not-so-suitable helpers and with each one, we learnt how to refine our employment styles and people management skills.
However, my nearly five year stint in Shanghai has taught me many new helper employment skills for the Chinese helper can generally exude different behaviours that even I, as exposed as I am to household helpers, could not anticipate. I've found that household helpers here are very sensitive to money, and its not like they are paid very much lesser than the previous helpers that we've employed in Singapore. In fact, given that so many of them work on an hourly basis, they earn a whole lot more than a vast proportion of helpers who work in Singapore, dollar for dollar. So its really wierd when ayis start telling me that they know of so and so who's being paid more or when I hear stories of friends who pay a whole lot more for their help. As we Singaporeans may say: spoil market.
A friend remarked over dinner one night that Chinese helpers really have it good. They are tucked up in bed by 8 or 9pm and up only at 7am in the morning. Many who take care of household chores do not have to deal with childcare matters, since either another helper is hired for that or the matron of the household cover that duty. In Singapore, many helpers work till late and are awake really early as often times the house is bigger, there are more people in the household and more chores, children leave for the school bus at 6:30am and so helpers need to be up as early as 5am which leaves them really not much rest.
My experienced with helper's expectations in China has been a rather different one. We've come across helpers who refuse to hand wipe the floors or even iron, despite us trading in one tedious chore for another and given them a discounted to-do list. We've also had a certain local Shanghainese helper who used to habitually sit down uninvited with my husband and I during dinner time, only to dominate the conversation and regal us with tales and complains from her day.
We've had a helper who would kick back and watch television shows till we came home and once told us on our arrival home, that there would be no dinner served that night as there was no more rice in the kitchen. It did not occur to her that she could go across the street to get some rice or call either Mr B or myself to seek a solution. Or another who would follow me around the house talking to me about everything under the sun when I was clearly trying to seek some peace and solace. I am sure that almost every expat family who has a helper could probably share their ayi anecdotes and someone really ought to write a manual on how-to-manage-house-help and collate some of these experiences to share.
Our current part time helper in Shanghai has been with us for more than 4 years and though she's not the best, I appreciate that she knows when to talk and when not to. Honestly, I do. She knows how we like for her to manage some chores and errands and when to consult us for our input. Even from the start, she was sensitive to our standard of cleanliness and she knew how we expected her to honor her responsibilities and complete her work before she left, not always all good, sometimes a little-hurriedly-and-so-shoddy(偷工减料) but overall, decent.
We've had a helper who would kick back and watch television shows till we came home and once told us on our arrival home, that there would be no dinner served that night as there was no more rice in the kitchen. It did not occur to her that she could go across the street to get some rice or call either Mr B or myself to seek a solution. Or another who would follow me around the house talking to me about everything under the sun when I was clearly trying to seek some peace and solace. I am sure that almost every expat family who has a helper could probably share their ayi anecdotes and someone really ought to write a manual on how-to-manage-house-help and collate some of these experiences to share.
Our current part time helper in Shanghai has been with us for more than 4 years and though she's not the best, I appreciate that she knows when to talk and when not to. Honestly, I do. She knows how we like for her to manage some chores and errands and when to consult us for our input. Even from the start, she was sensitive to our standard of cleanliness and she knew how we expected her to honor her responsibilities and complete her work before she left, not always all good, sometimes a little-hurriedly-and-so-shoddy(偷工减料) but overall, decent.
That's not to say that everything about her is Mary Poppins perfect. There are things that she does which bug me: like how she constantly destroys my beloved clothes with her ironing, sometimes "forgetting" to tell me about the hole she ironed in my new blouse (I've always told her to tell me, I wouldn't and have never scolded her when she is upfront about it, but will scold her if she tried to hide it and I found out) or that she thinks I don't know when she tries to sneak in slightly later and sneak out slightly earlier ... which I've counted can shave off a good half day work for every 1 week's time put in at our home. Sneaky.
It also amuses me to watch her dissappointed expression when she sees that either Mr B or myself are home unexpectantly during the week. She would at times go to the extent of whispering to Nanny to double check presence at home - how long will we be home, if we are planning to head out etc. I know that Nanny will sometimes trick her by shutting our room door and pretending that I am inside or that I am expected to be home really soon, just so that Ayi completes her chores seriously. Recently, Ayi even provided me with a diagnosis of my twisted ankle after having helped herself to a look at my xray, which was in an envelope and placed away for safekeeping. I was dumbfounded as this was a new level to the transparency between the employer-employee relationship. Where is my privacy? Don't think Ayi thinks this exist.
All in all, I'm truly thankful for this extra pair of hands which allows me to better manage our home here in Shanghai. I am glad that we do have an option of relegating the chores that we prefer not to spend time on to someone else. I know that in many other places, such help can be really cost prohibitive. Our current Ayi is really a sweet lady and even though she ruffles my feathers at times, she is, in general, a gem of a helper. We are indeed blessed.
No comments:
Post a Comment